I admire so many runners. Yet, I find it ridiculous when family or friends admire me for my running. It’s like I want to correct them, push myself off the pedestal. I want to shout out: I’m a slob; I get depressed and cry when I don’t run; I prefer a blank mind; I rarely dust; I have stacks of stuff in every room. I should spend more time with my family. I disappoint them when I run, because I’m not there. I disappointment them when I don’t run, because I’m not doing what helps me, what lifts me up, what defines me.
Today I was so annoyed by the way running has defined me, I told my husband and my son I wasn’t going to run anymore. They roared with laughter at my proclamation. All the while, I got my running stuff together on the sly, and hid it among the stacks of folded clean clothes for tomorrow’s run.
Yes, I say childish things like, “I’m not running anymore.” I have an entire drawer in the kitchen dedicated to electrolytes and mountain bike reflectors that I find on the trail. I constantly trip over the stack of running shoes next to my bed. I wash my hair based on my running schedule. And the back seat of my truck is so messy, that before I take the boys to school, I rush out to the driveway to shove everything aside so that I can fit them and their stuff.
Today I started taking care of the back seat. I didn’t finish the job. But I got a good start. This is what I saw when I opened the car door:
This is among what I found (and none of it was a surprise): a portable hard drive, my Disneyland jacket, a running rain jacket, my old skiing coat, 1 fleece long sleeved shirt, a thick, heavy black fleece hat (that I bought when I could buy anything I wanted and was in my Russian history stage, back when running didn’t define me, but Russian history did), 2 running caps, cheap black gloves, several empty water bottles, 2 empty diet cokes, 1 unopened diet coke, at least 5 cd’s in their cases, a cd holder with around 25 cd’s in sleeves, 2 containers of sunscreen (spray on and lotion), Glide, a box with my student cards, packing tape, 2 trash bags, 2 grocery store bags, a roll of athletic tape, 2 pads of paper, a pen, and more! And that was just the back seat!